In Search Of The Rising Sun

Well, here we are on the eve of a whole new year. I have spent this year in a holding pattern, and only now am I beginning to take off. Will gravity hold me earthbound, or will I break free and soar? Only time will tell. I can only hope that I will make it. So, as tradition dictates, I am here to outline my goals for 2008. With a bit of luck and a whole truckload of determination, I will conquer them.

1. The first and foremost goal, and possibly the most labor intensive, is to complete the semester without dropping out. I am almost legendary for starting things and not finishing them. But there are only so many second chances, and I can't keep hoping that I'll be able to get it right 'next time.'

2. I also intend to stay at my current job until at least August. Not only is the work physically demanding and therefore good for me, but I have a tendancy to screw things up whenever they are going good. So I am going to do my best to make sure that I don't throw it away. My bosses are wonderful and it is incredibly difficult to replace an employer who is so compassionate and understanding as they are.

3. My final goal for the year is to see Evan and decide what I want to do about him. He says he is coming out to visit his family (and therefore me) some time in the next few months, and at such time I need to decide whether I want to keep him or just be friends. He's fantastic, but he's also timid. Very timid. So we shall see.

These are my goals. In text for anyone to look at. It's much harder to break a commitment when other people know about it.

This year was mainly a year of senseless motion with no real direction. I will not dwell on it, beyond to say that I ended it on a beautiful note, watching the stars until sunrise (albeit in below freezing temperatures) on top of Table Mountain with a bunch of friends. We were seeking the rising sun. Let us hope that next year, as we did this morning, I find it.

So long and goodnight. See you all next year.

--Dragon Read more!

Home Sweet Home

I completely forgot the most important news of all: I moved. I now have my very own apartment. For the first time ever.

Due to a mess of complicated and asinine mistakes by the management, it turned out that my mom and I didn't didn't qualify for the 3 bedroom apartment. So they asked us to move out. Obviously, I was very upset. There was no way I could afford rent anywhere else, and my Mom and I had already decided that she would move back in with Russ. On top of that, thanks to my mom, my rental history is completely screwed because we didn't clean up the old apartment before we moved out. I kept trying to, but it's very hard to do all that stuff when you are working all the time and have a screaming 2 month old who wants you to pay attention to him. She didn't have a job and had plenty of time, but she would always say she was busy or tired or , and therefore couldn't help or even watch Snuffles while I went over and did it. But I digress. So anyway, I was freaking out. Then Allie, the manager came over and told us that she thought we would qualify individually for the 2 bedrooms here. She re-did our applications and made it look like we'd never moved into the 3 bedroom at all, and backdated it so it showed that we had lived in the 2 bedrooms all along. And she got us apartments right across the hall from eachother. And, even better than that, she gave us free rent until February. So even though they screwed up, it turned out to be better for us then if it had never happened at all. Not to mention that the apartment is gorgeous and brand new. And I have my own room!!! I hated sharing my room with Chase. His crib and various peripherals took up half the room, and now he sleeps through the night because I'm not in the same room with him. All in all, it's the best mistake that's ever happened to me. Read more!

Sore Throats Suck. And Stuff.

Hi blog, remember me? Yeah, me neither. So I have not written anything in a ridiculously long period of time, partially due to being insanely busy and partially because I'm just lazy. But I thought I would get back into the swing of things before the new year. Best to start off on the right foot, or I might not start off at all.

In the past month(ish) I've been having some interesting things going on. There's been work, the buffin, Christmas, Evan, the general fact that I am broke as efk, and all that other holiday goodness.

Since there has been so much (or perhaps little) going on, I don't really feel like detailing it all, but a few highlights are in order, for posterity and such. Chase rolled over (yay! gross motor skills!), ironically while wearing a shirt with Santa and his sleigh on it that said "this is how I roll", by the way. Evan and I have been... 'talking', as we've put it. Whatever the heck that means. Hard to do much else when you live three time zones apart. I finally got off my lazy butt and registered for school and financial aid (which means that I should be getting a laptop next month. Mmmm tasty. My mom finally got a job, and she loves it. It pays very well, too. I am seriously needing to look for a new job, but I've been putting it off. Bad bad Dragon. Oh, and I've had a seriously awful sore throat for going on 12 days now, which I caught from Chase. Poor thing is sick too. Well, as far as I can think of, that's pretty much it.

So for fun and kicks, here's a picture of the Buffin.

Kind of fuzzy, but that's ok. He really likes it when I put his feet on his face. Silly kid.

--Dragon Read more!

Thank God For Free Night And Weekends

I feel electric. There's really no other way to describe it. I haven't been this exhilarated in... years, honestly.

I spent 10 hours (yes, you heard right, TEN. FULL. HOURS. That's 3 phone changes because my battery ran out and I had to switch to the house phone and vice versa, and innumerable disconnects because of my crappy cell signal) on the phone with Evan yesterday. He didn't call me and I couldn't stand the anticipation, so I called him. We were on the phone for not even five minutes and we just clicked again. It was as if no time at all had passed since we last talked. Is it possible to have chemistry from three time zones away? Because we did. And I mean some serious chemistry. It was simply electric. We covered virtually every topic under the sun, and just kept going. He's the only person I've ever met who can stimulate my mind in such a way. It was incredible. Neither of us wanted it to end. We kept talking and talking until finally it was imperative that we get off the phone because I had to get ready for work in 6 hours.

How do you not talk to someone for three years and suddenly start talking again and end up acting as if there was no time in between, as if the relationship had never ended in the first place? That's how it felt. I felt so completely energized, like a battery that had been recharged. All day I've felt that way, this overflow of power and energy. I want to do everything all at once. I want to swallow the moon whole. I want to draw, write, create. WTF is wrong with me? I can't seem to wrap my head around it. My thoughts are in a blur and I can't slow them down. I feel so deliciously electric. Somebody save me before I do something stupid.

--Dragon Read more!

Upchuck Seven Up

I don't know why, well, I sort of do, but today I feel insanely nervous. It's rediculous. I feel far more nervous than I ever do about getting up on stage. It's the hollow nervousness in the pit of my stomach that keeps hinting that it may decide to cause me to throw up any moment. I sort of know the reason, but even that is incredibly rediculous.

There's a guy, Evan, who I dated a few years back. He was essentially the perfect boyfriend (for me). He was hilarious, fun, spontaneous and above all, an effing genius. He's the only person I've ever met who had the capacity to make me feel stupid. He is just so inordinately intelligent. He never did anything to make me feel stupid, but I know he is perfectly capable, and he doesn't even realize it. He is charmingly self effacing and while he isn't the most attractive guy in the world, I found his personality incredibly alluring.

We never had a single fight until the day we broke up. I'm still rather confused as to what happened, but as far as I figure, too much changed too fast. I had moved to Kansas and he didn't come with me. We were still together and he might have come out to Kansas later on, but I moved back here after only two months because I was miserable. He had just gotten used to the idea that I was gone, and I suddenly came back with almost no warning. We met working at the same place, and I got my job back there when I came home. The first time I saw him when I came back my boss was there, and I didn't want to be all affectionate with him in front of her, so I just gave him a quick hug. I think that upset him. So we weren't able to talk for a few days, and for some reason he was really cold to me until one day I purposely met him after work, and he just didn't seem to want anything to do with me. So I got upset and dumped him so he couldn't dump me (yeah, I know, WTF is wrong with me, right??)

As I said, I still don't get it. Ironically, shortly thereafter he did end up moving to Kansas with a friend of his. We emailed back and forth for a while but then I didn't have a computer so we lost contact. I recently found him again on myspace, (I'm kind of a myspace whore) and he was really excited to talk to me again, so we exchanged phone numbers.

He's supposed to call me at some point today. I never really got over him. We broke up so suddenly, and before that he was literally the perfect boyfriend. His only flaw was the fact that he doesn't do change very well. I mean, he was 25 years old and I was his first girlfriend. (I was 18 at the time, by the way) So while I'm really excited to talk to him again, it's kind of weird.

I mean, I know what attracted me to him in the first place, and I never really stopped being attracted to him. I moved on, dated other people, but now I'm single and there's nothing to stop me from feeling that way again. And right now he lives in Ohio, so that would be a bad idea. Not to mention the fact that I don't think he feels that way about me anymore. At least, I would imagine he wouldn't, the last time we talked was about 2 and a half years ago. He made some allusions in the messages he's sent me, but that's just Evan for you. The boy is a hopeless flirt and he doesn't even know it.

So yeah. That's what's going on. I don't get me sometimes. I think I've got myself all figured out and then something happens and I react in some unexpected way, like getting super nervous about a silly phone call. What a freak I am.

--Dragon Read more!

Space, The Final Frontier

Mom's moving out. She and Sam are going to move back in with Russ, my stepdad. So Samantha, a friend I've had since I was 13, and Christian, her boyfriend, are going to move in with me. Do you know what that means??? I GET A ROOM ALL TO MYSELF!!!! Sweet! Chase and I will take the upstairs bedrooms and they'll take the downstairs bedroom, and so I'll finally have a room all to myself devoid of any buffin paraphernalia and all kinds of nice empty space that I won't have to clutter up! Yay!

--Dragon Read more!