Lose Control

This is how it feels to
Lose control
And I'm trying so
Hard not to take it
But another night like this
I might not be able
To make it
Like I've got the choice now,
Oh no
So I'm running hard for you
Well past the time
I should have let go
Like it will change
Something, no, nothing
I should have let it go
But I haven't got
The choice now, Oh no
Haven't got the choice now
So keep on pushing
Hard on me now
With your cruel little smile
That only I see
Another night like this, now
I just might not make it
Another fight like this, now
I just might break it
Still I have to keep
Keep on running hard for you
Even if I have to fake it
And this is how it
Feels to lose control
It was never supposed to
Be like this, no
I'm gonna lose control
I haven't got the choice now,
Oh no

I haven't got anything coherent to write lately. I've been trying so hard to find a new job, to deal with my mom and Sam and their bull, I don't know what to say. I'm sick of whining, but I haven't got anything worth not whining about. If that makes sense.

--Dragon Read more!

In Words and Pictures

Sometimes there are pictures in my head, aching to be set free. There are words begging to be written, spoken, slashed in red sharpie on bathroom stalls. There are times when the words flow free and I feel like something, someone, like I'm alive. But there times, like now, when it would take all I have to force even a mediocre line. There is a steel door in my head, and right now it's a bulkhead locked up tight. But there's no reason. This ship will not sink. Right now I feel as if i am anchored, or dragging along too heavy a load. I do my best, I write prose, badly at that, and hope it is enough to unlock the door. I hope that the words come soon, that the images sharpen enough to be seen.

--Dragon Read more!

White Space

I write. Poems, journals, essays (I am the essay queen), random half-stories that I never finish. I long to fill empty spaces with words. Not that this is very inspiring example, but I think I have a fair amount of creative talent. However, I can't seem to muster up enough courage to believe that I might have enough of it to pay for my supper. So I don't. My mom has always encouraged me to be a writer or journalist. I don't think I could, even with a degree and all that pomp and circumstance (after, all, it's just a piece of paper). I don't think I could rely on my creativity to regularly come up with something intersting, entertaining, and thought provoking on command. I don't write every day. I don't have enough to write about. Even with local and global events, there's only so much one can say. There are times when words pour from my head like a river in spring. Other times, it's more like a dusty wash in high summer. It's funny, when I write something I long for feedback. Something more substantial than just "I like it." I want to know WHY you like it. I want to know what I could do better. I want to have someone rip it to shreds and then tell me if it really is all that satisfactory after all. Ath the same time, I'm so afraid of what someone might say. If I let someone read my poems, I always ask, "What'd it make you think of?" Sometimes I get a vague response detailing what I was intending to convey, on far rarer occasions I get an interesting and completely unexpected viewpoint. I love those. I love it when I say something without it. I love to draw pictures in people's heads. I don't want you to tell me what I see, I want you to tell me what YOU see.

So I'm going to try an experiment. I'm pretty sure only one or two people read this, so I don't honestly expect a response, but if anyone cares to, tell me what this makes you think of:

--Slipstream--

Stealing these days from
Some other
Place
As the melody
Wavers high and
Slips
Into a thousand
Shards of memory
Another phrase to
Take me back--
And my thoughts slipstream
Into this half-hearted
Madness
Stealing these
Days
--Golden days
Each though takes me
Just a bit further
Away
And reaching back
Into memory
Heavenly, or at least
I tell myself
It was better
So much
Better
Take me back...

--dragon Read more!