Setting The Standard

I am so tired.

I am smart. I am a very hard worker. I am a loyal and dedicated friend. I take pride in myself, my work, and my effect on others. I sometimes complain too much, but I try not to. All my life, people expect more from me than they do from others, because I am smart, I am a hard worker, I am a loyal and dedicated friend, and I have a sense of honor and pride.

In school, I was expected to deliver not just what was required to make the grade, but also to go above and beyond. At home, I am expected to be an example, to behave better, to know what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'. At work, I am expected to work hard every moment that I am there and do so with cheer and good humor. In my friendships, I am expected to forgive, to understand, to wait on the sidelines patiently until I am needed. All because this is what I have proven capable of.

All my life I have been held to a higher standard, and I am bloody sick of it. I fought so hard against it in high school that I nearly flunked out. At work, I am one of the hardest working employees but I get crap hours because I am not one of the 'kool kids' and rarely any recognition, because I always go above and beyond that I guess they no longer feel the need to reward me for doing what I am going to do anyway. I have set the bar so high for myself that I don't even know how to surpass it.

My idiot brother Sam gets molly-coddled and rarely held accountable for his actions because he has pretended to be an idiot for so long he has become one. He gets treated great any time he actually bothers to do remotely well, and I get nothing when I do because it is assumed that I will do it regardless. When I was 17 I was getting kicked out or grounded constantly for doing things far less serious than what he does. He is a liar, a cheat, a thief. He does the bare minimum for his schoolwork and my mom signs off on some assignments he doesn't even do just so she doesn't have to deal with the hassle of actually making him do them. He is scum in training. But that's ok. Be a complete waste of space, break things, steal things, lie like it's going out of style, treat everyone around you like shit, and when you actually do something even remotely worthwhile, you'll get treated like a prince.

I am so incredibly tired of being 'better', 'smarter', 'more capable'. I want someone to notice that I am a hard worker. I want someone to say, 'You know, you're doing a great job. I can always expect you to do what you're supposed to. Thanks.' How hard is that? I am so sick of it.

I don't believe that others are less capable than I am. I think they are simply less willing. Set the bar low, and everyone will be pleasantly surprised when you actually perform what you are really capable of. Set it high by always exceeding expectations, and that becomes the expectation. It's not fair. What am I supposed to do? I won't be a slacker like most others, I have too much pride. But why is it so much to ask for a little recognition. I thrive off of it. I work so hard to get it that I almost never get any. It's ironic, really. The harder I work, the more I try to do my best, the less likely I am to get any kind of reward or recognition. So incredibly asinine.

I am smart. I am a very hard worker. I am a loyal and dedicated friend. I take pride in myself, my work, and my effect on others. I have a strong sense of honor. And I hate it.

--Dragon Read more!