If It's Not One Thing...

Let me first say that I feel so much better. Thank you so much to everyone who commented regarding my fear of labor. Of the few people I've told so far about it, some have been very supportive while others have made it seem as if I was being selfish and unreasonable, and I was just very afraid that more people would feel that way. I have a tendency to be a shameless people pleaser, sometimes to the extreme. You have helped me see that it's ok, whether they think so or not, because what matters is what I am comfortable with. Again, thank you. :)

That said, right now Erik is driving me nuts. Remember how about 3 months ago, in June, I kicked him out mainly because he refused to step up to the plate and get a decent job? Well guess what: still no good job.

I have done everything in my power to help him find a job. I have done far more than I should have to, more than anyone else in their right mind would do, I'm sure. I created a resume', found ads for jobs that sounded suitable, I signed him up for a class to learn how to write his own resume' and another class to help him work on his interview skills. I even told him what to wear to an interview. It turns out I'm not the only one-- his aunt and sister bought him a bunch of new clothes that were more professional than his old clothes, everyone in his family, even his sister's boyfriend keep an eye out for jobs he might like and let him know about them.

Regardless of all the help he's getting, he still won't do anything. I've told him in every way I know of that he needs to get a new job, that not only are his expenses going to go up once the baby is born, but he can't even keep up with his current bills. He goes from agreeing with me to giving me all kinds of rediculous reasons as to why he can't search for jobs now. For example, his band is playing in an upcoming festival about 2 weeks from now. Now, I'm pretty good at getting a job easily, but even for me 2 weeks is pretty fast. Not to mention if you let them know that you have prior engagements, most employers understand.

I'm not the only one who is getting fed up with him. Everyone in his family has been after him and feel as if he should be taking responsibility. We are all so frustrated with him. Babies cost money. Now, I have plenty of help if I need it. I have my mom, Sara, my dad, everyone in Erik's family including his mom and stepdad, both his aunts, his uncle, his grandma, and his sister and her boyfriend. So if I ever really need something, there is no shortage of people who will gladly help me out. However, it's still Erik's responsibility.

I'm hoping that he will surprise us all when faced with reality in all its screaming, pooping, chubby-cheeked glory, and do his share. But to be quite honest, I really don't believe he will. And it frustrates and angers me to no end. I don't want to be a bitch. I don't want to have to tell him that either he gets a job and starts helping out financially or I'll have to go to Child Support Services and let them go after him. Because they will attach his wages and he'll have no choice but to get a better job, as he'll have barely anything left. They don't care whether he can pay his bills or not. I'm not that cruel. But if he doesn't hurry up and be a man, then I'll have no choice.

I'm so sick of being put in positions like this. I'd much, much rather be nice. If people would only listen to me, everything would work out so much better. It's not like I say these things because I like the sound of my own voice (and really, I don't. It's too high pitched.). I just don't feel like I have any other choice.

--Dragon Read more!

Hell is a Goverment Waiting Room

5 hours in a waiting room filled with small, LOUD children and crazy homeless people who think that you shouldn't talk to homeless old ladies because they are wearing bandanas of a specific color, and so they are "flying the rag" or some such crap. Not that I was particularly interested in striking up a conversation with her anyways, but that's a pretty stupid reason not to. Is it just me, or do poor people tend to have really badly behaved children? Don't shoot me for that comment. I have just never seen such a conglomoration of children under the age of 8 who were so incredibly ill-behaved. And most of their parents didn't even make a token effort to do anything about it. Ooh yeah. Fantastic combination, that. Oh, and I forgot my damn CD player (no, I'm not that lame, I used to have a friggin awesome 60 gig Ipod, but it was stolen... the day I paid it off.) I had a notebook and some happy colored gel pens to amuse me. Not even a pamphlet to read or draw devil horns and other middle-school type graffiti on. What a great way to spend my day.

So if you haven't guessed, I waltzed my little (yeah, that's a lie) self down to the department of social services today and applied for food stamps. Because although I am somehow able to sort of pay my bills each month, and sort of have enough food, it's mostly due to luck, sympathy from my friends and family, and some seriously precarious financial footwork. Today I did the math and found that with what I am making, I can pay my rent, car insurance, phone, electricity, and keep enough gas in my car to get to work and back with about $44 dollars to spare. Keep in mind that this is before buying any food. Obviously something needed to happen there.

So yeah. I finally qualified (this would be my 3rd or 4th time applying this year) because I didn't have to file with Erik (apparently, we made $100 a month too much). All I have to do is get a written statement from my "roommate" (i.e. my mom) saying that we split the rent and utilities in half and don't buy or prepare our food together. The payment part is true, but it's a complete lie that we don't purchase or prepare our food together. Yeah. But you know what? I don't care. I am flat-ass broke. I can't even afford to save up to get my kid circumscised. I'm pretty much screwed. I imagine that now that I am in the third trimester, I can probably qualify for cash aid, but applying for that is a whole 'nother headache.

The best part is, I have to go back tomorrow. Someone shoot me.

--dragon

(Has anyone else noticed that I use an excessive amount of parenthesis?) Read more!

Lifestyles of the Poor and Unknown

I hate money. Well, when I have money, I enjoy it very much, but when I don't (which is the far more common scenario), I hate it. I hate not having anything good to eat in the house, I hate freaking out over whether or not they're going to shut off my phone or electricity (I don't have cable, my only frivolous utility is DSL... and it's part of the phone service so I can pretend I'm not really spending any more money), or the fact that we've only been here 2 months and we paid our rent late last month, and here we are again having to pay it late. We're really establishing a fantastic track record with the property management company. What I really hate is the fact that no matter what I do to try and fix the situation, it seems I have absolutely no options. This sucks. Not to mention that most of the jobs in this town are elderly or disabled care, something I've done and am good at, but now I can't do due to the fact that I can't do any jobs that require a lot of manual labor. So that pretty much cuts out about 65% of the jobs available to me. And frankly, I don't really want to work right now. I have to, of course, but I don't want to at all. I tried to reapply with my old job at the insurance company, but they told me I have to wait 18 months to reapply. Great. So your telling me that I have to wait a year and a half, at which time the baby will be nearly a year old, before I can get a job at the only place in town that actually pays well for people who don't have a degree? Thanks for nothing. Add to all the the pressure that I need to get a job soon, as in REALLY REALLY soon, because after that I won't stand a chance in hell at getting hired because by then it will be totally obvious that I'm pregnant. Ugh at everything.

--Dragon Read more!